Why DO People Cheat love

Why Do People Cheat- LUST AS A REASON PEOPLE CHEAT

CHAPTER TWO

      LUST AS A REASON PEOPLE CHEAT

Lust is the major cause of infidelity in relationships. It has been proven that man in this needs to have or acquire what he deems good (for example beautiful women) is insatiable. The more man has what they love, the much more they want to have much more of what they love and this is the reason for many breakups and deaths in relationships.

 As regards infidelity, there are three types of lust:

1. Sexual Lust

2. Emotional lust

3. Material Lust

 Sexual Lust

People naturally lust after someone they are sexually attracted to, Some will call this “having a crush”. Everyone has a figure of who they call sexy in their minds and when they come across such person, they are subdued and overcome by lust. While some persons just enjoy the satisfaction derived from trying someone new. This could sound strange but yes, everyone thinks differently and have reasons for their actions. Especially when the person they want to cheat with or are cheating with promises to give them an extraordinary sexual experience

Some persons have this unquenchable sexual desire that requires their spouse to put in more effort to tame  their sexual lust. He or she is drawn to anything about the opposite sex and can lay with anyone available. Funny enough, these kinds of persons do not need to get in the mood to feel the urge.

Glory ( not real name ) spoke about her strong desire to sleep with her husband’s friend. ” anytime he comes around, I get suddenly wet, he appeals to me in every sense sexual, I don’t know why I feel that way towards him”. She said. When asked what about him makes her have such desire, she said: ” it’s not that he is more handsome than my husband, I just like his athletic physique and black skin, it makes me imagine the kind of sex I could have with him”.

There are married people in Gloria’s shoes who lust after their spouse’s friends. Her problem was that he was physically appealing but some case’s like Matthew’s  ( not real name ) are different.

” I have this girl in my company, she’s nothing compared to my wife; she isn’t what I would call sexy but she makes me hard anytime I see her. I was thinking maybe she had an evil spirit of seduction in her, how was I to know? Anytime I see her, my heart skips a beat, all I want to do is just  f**k her”. Mathew said.

 When asked what he likes about her he said ” her slim waist, small breast and bold lips”. I asked him what was his idea of sexy and he said “my wife. She’s got hip, full breast and beautiful”.

Mathew’s case is rather complicated, how do you think his wife will feel about his testimony? If you were Mathew what would you do?

Samuel ( not real name ) shared his story. ” there’s this girl that came to spend some time with us, she’s actually my wife’s friend. I never liked her because she wasn’t my type and she talks like an illiterate. I asked my wife how long she would stay for, but she kept begging me to allow her stay a little longer before she finds her bearing because she was new in town.

My wife travelled for two days for a seminar and left me with her friend. She knew my disgust for her friend and so wasn’t threatened.

That night, my wife’s friend was in the kitchen in just yellow g-string and nothing on top. I walked into her and retreated immediately. Later she knocked on my room door and came in putting on a see through night gown. That was the day I discovered she was really sexy and my whole body wanted her so badly.

She apologized about what happened and walked out. The next day, she wore a very skimpy gown watching tv in the living room. I tried to act cool but my fully erected penis sold me out. To cut the long story short, we made love on the day my wife was to return, and had continued after then without my wife’s knowing”.

 Just like Samuel, sexual lust can be induced by seduction. This kind of lust when built may be hard to be tamed until one eventually satisfies the urge.

 WAYS TO CURB OR TOTALLY STOP SEXUAL LUST  

 a. If you are the type who likes a kind of body physique, my advice for you is to go for it in marriage or build your mindset around the person you are with to love and stay with them faithfully.

b. Always have enough sex, and if you’re having problem satisfying your spouse, find solution. Anyone having good sex can hardly consider cheating. His/her mind will always be programmed to having the next sex with their partner.

 c. Learn to seduce your spouse. Give your spouse an overdose of whatsoever that may take their attention away from you.

d. Always look attractive

 Emotional Lust

Many people cheat because of lack of emotional satisfaction. If their spouse isn’t giving them what they want, they tend to get it elsewhere.

 Lucas shared his story: ” it took me three years to finally land a job. Prior to this time, my wife was the one taking care of the bills in the house and she was very happy doing it. Even though I had no job, she never complained, she was happy supporting our home financially and otherwise.

 The job I had was huge,  it needed me away from home for two months and I was given only a two week leave. But the job changed our story, we moved to a better neighborhood and we upgraded our status.

 The only problem I had was my wife. She kept complaining of my absence. Note that I’m not allowed to use a telephone when I’m on duty and this made me spend days without hearing from my wife.

 I was given a break at work due to an accident I had. This made me come home before time. I would have called my wife to inform her, but I lost my phone in the accident.

 So when I came home, I saw my darling wife in bed with another man. My life shattered that minute”

When i asked her why she did it,  she said  she did it because she was lonely”.

Emotional deprivation can push your spouse into the arms of another person. In most cases when you don’t appreciate or compliment your spouse and they get it elsewhere be rest assured to loose them

 ” my husband changed two years after our fist child” said Joy ( not real name ) mother of two. ” He never tells me I’m beautiful anymore nor shows he loves me. I was dying in silence. He literally condemns everything I do. Then I met this kind hearted man that showed me love and attention. I literally transferred the love I had for my husbands  to him”.

Emotional Lust

Many people cheat because of lack of emotional satisfaction. If their spouse isn’t giving them them what they want, they tend to get it elsewhere.

READ ALSO  Why Do People Cheat?: Incompatibility

Lucas shared his story: ” it took me three years to finally land a job. Prior to the time, my wife was the one taking care of the bills in the house and she was very happy doing it. Even though I had no job, she never complained, she was happy supporting the house.

The job I had was huge and it needed me away from home for two month and I was given only a two week leave. But the job changed our story, we moved to a better neighborhood and we upgraded status.

 The only problem I had was my wife. She kept complaining of my absence. Note that I’m not allowed to use a telephone when I’m on duty and I may spend three days without hearing from my wife.

 I was given a break at work due to an accident I had. This made me come home before time. I would have called my wife to inform her, but I lost my phone in the accident.

 So when I came home, I saw my darling wife in bed with another man. My life shattered that minute”

When asked if asked her why she did it, his response was: ” I did. She said because she was lonely”.

Emotional deprivation can push your spouse into the arms of another. In most cases when you don’t appreciate or compliment your spouse and they get it elsewhere be rest assured to loose that person.

 ” my husband changed two years after our fist child” said Joy ( not real name ) mother of two. ” he never tells me I’m beautiful nor show or he loves me. I was dying in silence. He literally condemns everything I do. Then I met this kind hearted man that showed me love and attention. I literally transferred my husbands love to him”

 From Joy’s story, you will notice that love is transferable. Every relationship needs nurturing to stand the test of time. Just like watering a flower consistently makes it  blossoms and when it stops receiving water it dies overtime, so does love and emotions die when they lack watering( care and attention ). What won’t that plant do to get water? Just as what won’t a lonely heart do to be whole?

Until you consider your relationship a job, it won’t strive and may result in you having a cheating partner. It may originally not be the intention of your spouse to be unfaithful, circumstances attributed to emotional needs not met or well met may be too strong to contain hence your partner May slide to who they weren’t, a cheat.

” I have everything a lady would ever ask for, money, cars…name it! Right now I don’t need them, all I want is his attention”. Maryjane said.

Martha whose husband gave a divorce letter for sleeping with her married boss said. “I didn’t know what came over me. He was always there to comfort me when I cried; he gave me a shoulder to lean on. My husband rarely remembers to touch me, and if I initiate it, he tells me he’s tired. My boss was there; caring and showering me love”.

 It may look like women are the only ones with emotional needs until you hear Gabriel’s story.

 “My wife gives her entire time to church. She’s always in one church function or the other. If she’s not in church, she’s in her room studying her bible and praying. Yes, we need the prayers due to our childlessness for five years and counting, but she forgets that I have needs. Each time I try to get intimate she’s either tired or fasting.

There was this married lady with four kids whose husband lives abroad living next door to my flat. She noticed my wife hardly stays at home, because I work mainly from home I am always alone.  One day she brought me lunch and we talked in my living room for hours, I really enjoyed her company. So we become close friends, I would go to her place and she came to mine too . She literally filled the void in my heart and I cared less about my wife’s attention, and my wife barely noticed.

 The cat was let out of the bag the day she took in. Today I’m happily married to her with three kids”.

 Men’s hearts are not made of cast iron, even though they pretend to be strong emotionally and otherwise.  Every relationship void of emotional satisfaction tends to hit the rock bottom sooner or later.

 WAYS TO CURB OR TOTALLY STOP EMOTIONAL LUST

a. Be available for your spouse no matter how faraway you are.

b. Tell and show your partner how much you love them.

c. Settle your differences and make peace and fill the void.

 MATERIAL LUST

Material lust is not the commonest kinds of lust but it is one basic causes of infidelity. One can be faithful and in love with his/her spouse, yet sleeps with someone else due to pressing material need.

This kind of cheating means nothing to the person who engaged in it but it will definitely cause an emotional damage to his/her spouse.

“A lady in my neighborhood promised to raise me capital to begin my business only if I agree to date her yet she knew my marital status. When the financial pressure became unbearable, I gave in thinking it would be a one day thing, but she threatened to tell my wife about our sex rump if I tried to blackout. I love my wife but I just had to do it and I can’t tell her because it will break her heart”. Brian (not real name) disclosed.

 “The landlord was threatening to throw our things out on the street if we din’t pay him his rent. I, my husband and our two little kids had nowhere else to go. So I thought of meeting with the landlord’s wife to beg her as a mother to reconsider and give us time to pay up but met the husband instead. After begging him, he said I should sleep with him, that he would clear our two years dept and will give me money to support my small trading business. I insulted him and left. That evening, he called thugs to throw our things out on the street. I was completely confused and overwhelmed with shame, so I agreed to his request. He did as he said, and we have been having sex ever since. I hate him but I keep sleeping with him hoping to gather enough money from him and elope with my family. I love my husband, that’s why it kills me every time I open my legs for that old fool. I want to tell my husband but I just can’t bring myself to do so “Mitchell narrated.

Cynthia’s case is a different one ” I love my husband, but he can’t afford my lifestyle. I knew his financial status before I married him out of love. Before we got married, I use to be at the top of my game, just a year after marriage, I was beginning to lose myself and style. I just couldn’t stand what people would say. So I reconnected with one of my old rich boyfriends. He promised not to have sex with me, but one night in his house, he drugged me and had sex with me. After that, he said if I want to continue getting money from him I will have to be having sex with him, after much consideration, I agreed. I have been keeping this secret from my husband and it’s killing me”.

Most of the time,  it isn’t really about how most people feel about something that makes them cheat, it could be pressure, blackmail or greed. Whatsoever the case may be it is not worth cheating for it.

 WAYS TO CURB OR TOTALLY STOP MATERIAL LUST

a. Be open to your spouse. Don’t keep secrets, tell your spouse whatsoever you’re going through so that both of you can iron it out together and save you the torture of keeping such hurting secrets

b. Be content with what you have.

See Chapter 3: Psychological Reason People Cheat

About the Author: IchieUchenna

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