Why Do People Cheat: IDLE MIND

why do people cheat

Chapter 7

Idle Mind

Whatsoever they say about an idle mind is true. It is in idleness one begins to conceive detrimental ideas to the relationship. According to 2017 review on divorce cases, 59% of the causes of infidelity were from idleness.

The mind is always busy and when left blank gives itself something to keep it occupied anything available then becomes what it will dwell on and eventually execute.

One problem many relationships face is having a spouse with ample time on their hands. Immoral thoughts are bound to creep in and if not disciplined enough, may yield to the inevitable temptation.

“I lost my job two years after our wedding. My wife has been the breadwinner ever since. I must confess I really appreciate her. She gave her only car to me and gives me one third of her salary as pocket money. She pays all the bills and makes everyone believe my online business was what was paying me. Although we have no kids yet, I wasn’t bothered because I had a son from my last marriage and she too has daughter in her high school days.

As years goes by, the self imprisonment due to the stigmatization of being labeled a jobless man;  I am a very sexual man and sometimes I don’t get enough from my wife who invariably comes home tired.

It all begins in a day, just one day I attempted what I never knew I could ever do. My wife’s niece came to spend the holiday with us and she was pretty endowed. I tried to control myself but not for long.

On this fateful day, she just finished having her shower and came out in just towel. Seeing her made my whole body alert. I didn’t know what came over me; I forced her into having sex with me.

I started sneaking into her room most nights when my wife sleeps off after a long day work and having sex with her. All this while my wife was completely oblivious of what was going on between us.

The girl cut short her holiday and left because of me. But that was the beginning of my escapades. I started bringing girls home and I over did it and my wife got wind of it. She was really heartbroken and I swore to her that it will never happen again. She forgave me.

The problem now is that I no longer enjoy sex with my wife; I have experienced other girls and have lots of time on my hand with girls willing to have sex with me. Please doctor, what am I to do?” Matthew.

“Please keep me anonymous. I am a full time house wife with two kids to tend for. My husband works outside the state and I’m always by myself.

When my kids go to school I watch movies, eat, sleep and even workout just to kill time.

One day, I went to an electronic shop and met this handsome guy who wooed me. I decided to play along just to pass time but it got serious.

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He gives me his full attention and fills the void my husband left. I discovered I stay up at night chatting with him and he would be the one forcing me to go to bed.

Not long, I got addicted to and attached to him emotionally to the extent that my husband would be around, I would sneak to the living room to chat with him.

As time went by, I wanted him sexually, I tried to fight the urge but it was more than I could tame. He occupied my time and made my idleness interesting.

I invited him to my house and we almost made out if not for my daughter that walked into us. I regretted going that far with him and wanted to end the friendship but later reconsidered.

I couldn’t keep the guilt within me anymore, I had to tell my husband about him and he warned me to stay clear of the friendship. My husband had to quit his job and moved to town just to be closer to me”. Morgan.

Every day we hear cases in court of couples clamoring for divorce, majority of the couples who presented their cases were jobless men and women.

From indication, it is viewed that the urge for promiscuity is bred in the mind. The quest for an available distraction yields to an alternative.

Doctor Mathew Ibe, a psychologist, stated that sex is a biological state of human psychology. As long as we have blood flowing through our veins, we are prone to desire it often. When asked about idleness, as related to sex, he stated that, since sex is part of living, it is natural for the urge to surface when the body is freed from exterior stress.

A 2015 review on masturbation shows that it is often associated with introverts. This analysis proves that boredom may result to unnecessary sexual desire.

Kate (not real name) shares her story: “I’m a very sexually active lady. I used to think that marriage would give me all sexual gratification I needed, how naive was I.

I work from home and mostly stay at home. When the urge becomes overwhelming, I turn to masturbation while waiting for the real thing from my husband.

Sometimes when I’m all alone, I look for distraction, that’s when this urge comes in. I try as much as I can not to think towards sexual angle, but my whole body becomes so horny. I feel I may take it out any day I can no longer control it”.

It is not really a nice thing to stay idle. If one has nothing to do, he or she can create something to keep oneself occupied.

Secondly, there’s always need to discuss your feelings with your spouse. This can help a great deal when both of you think of ways to resolve it.

Another is, whenever you’re horny; relay it to your spouse via text message. Let your spouse distract you not an outsider. Learn to be open and this problem can be tamed.

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