Love is the strongest force in the universe; it is the cement and bricks that builds any relationship, whether with family, friends or people. A life void of love is a life full of chaos and misunderstanding.
People think love is just a feeling, no, it is more than that; love is understanding, tolerance, acceptance, forgiveness, sacrifice, giving and above all patience/perseverance.
Then, how do you explain love at first sight? Love at first sight is merely a superficial feeling controlled by emotion; this is mainly triggered by desiring a person for their good looks, intelligence, charisma, poise, achievements or wealth. All these are not the bases to define love, it is just infatuation. True love when tested grows stronger, but this feeling called infatuation can never survive the storm that love will. Although, love at first sight can transcend into genuine love if there is compatibility.
Some persons claim they’re in love but backs out when the going gets tough. Why do they run away if they claim they truly love their spouse?
Persons who go for good looks and charismatic people, gets completely lost in the attributes that attracted them to the person, they believe they’re in love with. Perhaps, there is someone who showers them with gifts and other fanciful things they get totally bamboozled to the extent of thinking they are in love.
What happens when that thing that attracted the person to their spouse are no more? Will they still be in that relationship? Even if they stay, how long can they keep up with the lack? And even if they do keep up, are they always grumbling? If the answers to these questions are all negative, then there was never a time they were in love.
I think love is being with someone whom you are attracted to; body, soul and spirit. When someone loves unconditionally everything about their spouse and there is no definite explanation to why they feel how they feel towards that person, this is what I call genuine love; it remains when every other thing is gone, it doesn’t runaway or denies you, it is hopeful and ready to sacrifice everything.
Have you ever wondered the bond between mother and child? She forgives a million times and can sacrifice her life over again for a worthless child that is what a genuine love looks like.
People talk about Jack and Rose in Titanic and Romeo and Juliet as an example of true love. Are they really a typical example of true love?
Jack and Rose met in the ship and were only getting to know each other. It is natural to have an adolescent fire of infatuation; hence, the reason Jack sacrificed himself for Rose.
Have you ever thought that maybe that relationship won’t last if they had survived? Somebody me scream “she didn’t remarry afterwards!” Well, I’m just being hypothetical.
But let us look at it this way; Jack and Rose were young, adventurous and beautiful. Rose had sex with a guy who she just met because he completely swept her off her feet ( a typical woman ) and eventually died saving her. This could grow a strong feeling that naturally wouldn’t have been there if Jack had survived. A lot of things may have happen along the line, Jack may cheat on her, she may stop loving him over a character in Jack she had not the chance to discover due to Jack’s untimely death and etc.
My point exactly, if Jack had survived and the relationship lasted, then it is true love.
Romeo and Juliet were also two young, beautiful and adventurous lovers. They were in the prime of their youth when fun and “crazy ” was at its peak. No doubt Romero had strong feelings for Juliet and vise versa. Their love was tested in their prime but time didn’t give them the chance to know if it would last or not.
“My husband and I met in public transport on my way back from school; it was love at first sight. I prayed silently for him to talk to me but he was too nervous to make the move, though he was six years older than I was. But on that day, he said he couldn’t explain why he was just so nervous, maybe my beauty killed his confidence.
When I got to my bus stop, I alighted and he followed. After tailing me for awhile, he then approached me. We spoke like we knew each other all our lives, when he smiled; he exposed this beautiful set of teeth that made me want to kiss him.
We had our first kiss two days later and I had my first with sex with him the next day in his boss’ car. We played like kids, laughed out loud, kissed on the street; we were just it! Two perfect love birds.
He came to Mary me, my parents refused because he’s from another tribe. I told my parents that if I don’t Mary him I would kill myself. They thought I was joking, until I took poison that almost killed me if not for the timely intervention of my kid brother who came into my room to disturb me as usual but met me dying.
To cut the long story short, my parents later agreed to our marriage after the stunt I pulled and we got married.
Five years on we had no child. My sweet loving husband began changing. He was becoming a stranger every day; the love we had gradually began deteriorating. He started beating me and calling me abusive names, one day he told me to my face that he’s married to a man.
I had never known any man aside my husband. No one has ever touched me, knowing he doesn’t love me any more kills me slowly. I tried everything I could to win back his love, but the worst he got.
The first time I heard him over the phone with another woman I didn’t believe it until I checked his messages and confirmed it. I almost died. Someone i nearly killed myself for, he couldn’t fight for our love, he was seeing someone else.
Right now, I don’t care anymore. I take solace in drinking, smoking and I am considering cheating too since he started it, please what do I do?” Antonia (not real name).
“February 2005, I got married to my wife. She was just an angel; flawless, beautiful, kinky, adorable…name it. I rush home from work every day just to have sex with her, anytime I look at her face my heart skips a beat, I just want to kiss her.
Exactly January, 2006, we had our first child, such a beautiful boy; he looked so much like his mother. July 2009 we had our daughter, another sweetheart.
But then my wife was losing those things that attracted her to me. She was becoming annoyingly fat with protruded tummy, her beautiful was fading;, her buttocks that once fit well in jeans now wasn’t attractive anymore, her breasts were saggy.
I understand these changes come with childbirth and so I had warned her to hit the gym, but she refused. Now my feelings for her are gradually dying. I don’t enjoy sex with her anymore, whenever I made love to her I feel odd and so I stopped touching her.
Right now, she irritates me. She does annoying things and nags. I’m a guy that likes beautiful women but she isn’t anymore. So I started seeing someone else. I feel bad about it though, but I am a man, I have needs, currently my wife can’t meet these needs. What do I do?” Henry (not real name).
” I and my boyfriend were an exemplary couple on campus until he had a fatal accident and that resulted to a first degree burn which disfigured his good looks. I tried to stay with him because I could still see through those fire scars to his beautiful smile. But as time went by, I couldn’t pretend anymore, I just couldn’t walk around with him anymore. I feel pity for him, I really do. I have gotten advice from friends to leave him, now I have this really cool rich guy that is coming my way. I have been seeing the new guy for some time now, but I don’t know how to leave my guy because I feel pity for me. Please I need advice”. Genevieve.
These cases clearly show that love is measured by the weight it carries. People who go into a relationship for a reason will most likely “go out” of the relationship when the reason is no longer there. 51% of the reasons people cheat is as a result of this case: already in a relationship and no longer feels nothing for their partner. When there is no emotional connection, fault is easily seen.
People go into relationships for companionship, and when they are not getting it, they feel empty and lonely, hence the reason to seek for it somewhere else.
“I loved my husband from the bottom of my heart I did and would have sold my soul if need be for him. But he hurt me really bad when he slept with our house servant. Out of all the girls in the world that he could cheat on me with, he chose my house servant. I couldn’t forgive him. Anything I look at his ugly face I get pissed and want to hurt him really bad.
The love I had for him died the moment he slept with her. As I’m writing this, I have slept with eight different men who were wooing me but I refused them because I loved my husband. What I wanted is a divorce, because I no longer love him, but I’m considering my kids. I’ll keep cheating on him to get my pound of flesh if I don’t leave this relationship”. Favour.
When love dies, every negative vice creep in. Especially when it died out of hatred. If a relationship must strive, it must soar on the wings of love. I mean genuine love.
How Then Do We Grow Genuine Love?
1. Love the heart of your spouse, which is the true nature of a person, so that when everything else is gone, what you love about the heart will keep you going.
2. Accept him/her for who they are, not for what they have.
No matter how hard the storm be seem, two hearts in love with each other will surely prevail and survive. To enjoy a happy marriage, is to have someone who accepts you come-what-may and is ready to tolerate you, vise versa.
No two persons love equally, one must love more than the other, balancing it so it doesn’t show is what makes it sweet. Appreciate your spouse and you will en joy a happy home.